It has been over a year since I blogged. This past year has been interesting. Shortly after my last post, my beloved sister Kate took her life with a lot of RX drugs. We wanted to protect her and said her cause of death was Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. It was. But is was a direct result of her taking a ton of meds she was prescribed. She suffered from chronic depression. She never knew how much love and happiness she brought to us and everyone that knew her.
This is important. She struggled with depression and nothing anyone did would convince her she was loved and valued. We have a loving, crazy, fun family and we do a great job of making sure our loved ones know they are loved. She was included, valued, loved. She didn't see any of that. The reason this is important is because there might be someone in your family that is like Kate.
Someone who makes every experience fun and comfortable. Someone you can confide in and talk to or listen to and laugh with and learn from. Someone who rolls her eyes at you at every suggestion for shenanigans but goes along it with anyway. Someone who loves your child with her whole heart and wants to do the best by him. Someone who, after they leave you and a family gathering feels empty. Not a day goes by that we don't miss you, Kate. You live on in our hearts.
This is important. I don't know how to change someone's mind. I don't know how to convince someone that feels worthless and unlovable that they are, indeed, LOVED AND VALUED. I wish the Mental Health System was better equipped to help people like Kate. Worksheets don't work. Telling someone to name things they love about themselves when they don't, doesn't work. I know Kate was loved. I so wish she could have seen herself in our eyes. From Drew's eyes. He loved her and loved every minute he spent with her.
We went to an Easter Egg hunt today. It was wonderful. My favorite part was when a woman we have never met asked 'what is wrong with him?' then immediately followed it up with 'I don't know the right way to ask that question' . I told her the better phrase was 'what is his diagnosis'? I was not offended; I was glad to educate her. We had fun at the adapted Easter Egg hunt. Drew and Logan battled it out to see who got more eggs. I am pretty sure Drew Roxx won. ;}
Next we stopped at Kroger. Drew is not a fan of grocery shopping. But he did a great job. Probably cuz I bribed him with Achatz Pie. We were expeditiously shopping and there were a few Kroger employees in one of the aisles. Drew and I were greeted with a 'hello' from the staff members. Immediately after I heard one gentleman say under his breath 'Just when you think you have problems'... I am sure he meant well, but I would like to clarify.
My son is not a 'problem'. He is the biggest source of joy and love I have in my life. I heard you. He might have. If he did, I hope he didn't understand. He loves unconditionally; he would never see another person as a problem. He understands everything. Except ignorance. It is not in his make-up.
Everyone is fighting some sort of battle...be kinder than necessary. Life is ridiculous...just go with it. Spring is just around the corner. Embrace life, blog friends. It passes too quickly.
But you are not. Today, I want to tell you that I see you.
I see you at the ballpark, cheering and encouraging the kids playing in the Little League. Yet, I know while you cheer your heart aches, wishing that your son could play ball too, not in a special league, but here, running and moving his body like those kids rather than spending his days in a wheelchair. You are courageous.
I see you at the therapy office programming your child’s speech device, entering phrases and words to help her communicate with others. You lean over to your spouse with a grin and push a button, I hear the computer’s voice say, “I farted.” You are funny.
I see you at the support group. New parents are visiting with their baby, they seem scared, nervous, and they are trying to deal with the diagnosis. You approach them, ask questions, affirm their feelings, and assure them it won’t always be easy, but it will be good. You are compassionate.
I see you walking into the school for the third time this school year. A binder full of notes, lists, and goals. Your don’t feel your child’s team is following the IEP, and you won’t give up inclusion for your child. You will do whatever it takes to provide the services that your child needs. You are resilient.
I see you at the hospital, a place you are too familiar with. Tubes, machines, tests, and specialists. Your child’s feeding tube is the least of your concerns. You are brave.
I see you at the restaurant, with a menu in your hand. But the noise is too much for your child, the smells and unfamiliarity overwhelm him. Soon, he is yelling and screaming. While people stare, you exit the place and get into your car as quickly as you can. You are flexible.
I see you at church asking one of the new moms if you can bring her a meal on Tuesday afternoon. You have so much on your plate, but you also remember how hard the first few weeks are after a baby comes home. You are generous.
I see you at social gatherings where well meaning people ask ignorant questions about your child or her disability, they make hurtful comments, or fail to recognize that your child is a child first. You don’t get angry, you don’t yell. Instead, you smile, answer their questions politely, and you educate them in a gentle manner and thank them for their concerns. You are gracious.
I see you out there in the world, living a selfless life. You give so much, you feel so deeply, and you love so abundantly. You are admirable.
These qualities you display are precious gifts you give to your child and to those around you, they don’t go unnoticed…I see you.
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